Aiming for full control

Just a quick update: I finally walked up to the guy at the bus stop and talked to him. We only chatted for a few minutes, and he was lovely. It's been half an hour since, and I'm still shaking.

G.U.Y. - Lady Gaga

(Artpop, who'd have thought...)

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Maybe, this time, I'll be yours, you'll be mine

Soooo... I have a new crush at the gym. And sometimes I think that is reciprocated, and I think we may be flirting with each other. Huge emphasis on "think". Yes reader, I can hear you screaming, all the way from the other side of your screen: "What the fuck is wrong with you?!? Haven't you learned anything from the whole situation with the boy from the bus stop???" That very same bus stop boy who, by the way, I see basically twice a week, either at the gym or at the bus stop (surprise, surprise!), and who pretends never to have ever met me. I think we should come up with a new word to describe it, because "ignore" is not strong enough to explain his level of indifference. But I digress - although time time, I'm gonna circle back to this, because it matters. New crush is waaaay out of my league - again: surprise, surprise! I think he's into guys, and I think he knows I am into him. After all, surprise, surprise #3, I'm neither renowned for...

Just seek and you will find

Anthology - Part V: Coming out is not a standard procedure kind of thing. On the surface, it sounds like this shared experience that every queer person goes through in the same way, and to an extent this is the case. But every coming out is different, because it involves so many variables that it would be mathematically improbable for two queer people to have the exact same set of circumstances. For me, coming out was a unique experience, and it started with myself. The first thing I had to do was to come out to myself. To look at myself in the mirror and say to me: you are gay. You like men. You are different from other males. And that’s ok. Once I came out to myself, I had to come out to everyone else. Maybe “had to” sounds a bit heavy, and I understand that some people might not have that option. Or that they prefer not to share this bit of their lives with some others around them (or whatever it is that they prefer to do through the process, because as I said, it is unique to each ...

Das Herz sagt bleib, der Kopf schreit geh

Intermezzo (and it’s a long one): I have changed this post in my head about 7 times already. I first set off with an idea on a writing spree, when I wrote Act II, this Intermezzo, Act III and an epilogue all in one sitting. But since putting this on paper (or, to be more precise, on a Google docs file), I read some other stuff and thought about some other stuff, and I am still not sure I am done with this post. Maybe this will be forever under construction, a forever conflict, in the same way I am realising that I might never be able to fully deal with the “monster” I created. Wait, a monster? Yes, but let me rewind a bit. I was going all the way back to the beginning of the original post I wrote, but I want to start someone else. I want to start on my back. A few days back, I had a bad case of sciatica. It’s something I’ve been experiencing recently and it’s almost at a point where it’s recurrent. This time, I spent a lot of time on the floor, so I decided to take a picture of it and ...

Looking sideways

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