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How to Get Along

Fun fact: I never died before. So I don't know if this is just me, if it happens to everyone who dies: I cannot remember how it happened. I cannot remember what killed me, and I definitely cannot identify the moment everything went from being alive and well to being in this afterlife state. I have a feeling it was gradual, like something that was destroying me slowly, and not a single fatal (and surprising blow). But this is just a guess at the moment.

I want to look into that with more depth and detail, and I will. But before I do, I think some disclaimers are needed. A few points that I need to say, to have peace with myself. I can't predict how this message will come across, and how people will receive it, but I can try my best to get it out in the way I intend it to.

Firstly, this is not truth. I mean, things I express here are not necessarily the truth. They are simply the way I feel. This is my view, the way I see/saw, perceive/perceived facts that happened in my life. It involved others, and my depiction of these others are based on my view of them in a situation, not how they actually are, were, or what they actually did. As much as I don't intend to identify anyone about whom I'm writing here, either by their names or by things that will make their identity clear, it might happen. In this case, I also don't want anyone to blindly take my side, or to use what I say here to make up their mind on someone else. This is my space, where I am telling my story. This is about me, not about anyone else. They probably have their reasons for doing what they did - or didn't do - and I'm not here to judge them or those reasons. Don't take things said here as facts. They are just my feelings.

Secondly, as I said previously, death here is a metaphor, one which I will explore in many aspects, including before, after and how it affects me and those around me. I appreciate that, whilst I have the luxury of being alive when I use this metaphor, someone who might come across my words might have been around situations where death was a real thing, that had a real impact in their lives, which may have caused them suffering. I don't want to cause anyone any harm, and I certainly don't want to compare my pain to those who experienced real death. 

Pain, suffering and many other feelings, they are subjective. They are not easy to be measured - and I'm not even sure they should be. Above all, they are definitely not intended to be compared. Writing and using metaphors is how I am choosing to deal with my feelings and my pain, and if someone disagreed with my approach, I totally understand it. And I won't be offended if they go out the door and never come back. They have their reasons, as I have mine. No hard feelings.

It's ok for people to try and find their peace, just like I'm trying to find mine.


I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor (although the Cake version is great as well)

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