Skip to main content

How to Get Along

Fun fact: I never died before. So I don't know if this is just me, if it happens to everyone who dies: I cannot remember how it happened. I cannot remember what killed me, and I definitely cannot identify the moment everything went from being alive and well to being in this afterlife state. I have a feeling it was gradual, like something that was destroying me slowly, and not a single fatal (and surprising blow). But this is just a guess at the moment.

I want to look into that with more depth and detail, and I will. But before I do, I think some disclaimers are needed. A few points that I need to say, to have peace with myself. I can't predict how this message will come across, and how people will receive it, but I can try my best to get it out in the way I intend it to.

Firstly, this is not truth. I mean, things I express here are not necessarily the truth. They are simply the way I feel. This is my view, the way I see/saw, perceive/perceived facts that happened in my life. It involved others, and my depiction of these others are based on my view of them in a situation, not how they actually are, were, or what they actually did. As much as I don't intend to identify anyone about whom I'm writing here, either by their names or by things that will make their identity clear, it might happen. In this case, I also don't want anyone to blindly take my side, or to use what I say here to make up their mind on someone else. This is my space, where I am telling my story. This is about me, not about anyone else. They probably have their reasons for doing what they did - or didn't do - and I'm not here to judge them or those reasons. Don't take things said here as facts. They are just my feelings.

Secondly, as I said previously, death here is a metaphor, one which I will explore in many aspects, including before, after and how it affects me and those around me. I appreciate that, whilst I have the luxury of being alive when I use this metaphor, someone who might come across my words might have been around situations where death was a real thing, that had a real impact in their lives, which may have caused them suffering. I don't want to cause anyone any harm, and I certainly don't want to compare my pain to those who experienced real death. 

Pain, suffering and many other feelings, they are subjective. They are not easy to be measured - and I'm not even sure they should be. Above all, they are definitely not intended to be compared. Writing and using metaphors is how I am choosing to deal with my feelings and my pain, and if someone disagreed with my approach, I totally understand it. And I won't be offended if they go out the door and never come back. They have their reasons, as I have mine. No hard feelings.

It's ok for people to try and find their peace, just like I'm trying to find mine.


I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor (although the Cake version is great as well)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Maybe, this time, I'll be yours, you'll be mine

Soooo... I have a new crush at the gym. And sometimes I think that is reciprocated, and  I think we may be flirting with each other. Huge emphasis on "think". Yes reader, I can hear you screaming, all the way from the other side of your screen: "What the fuck is wrong with you?!? Haven't you learned anything from the whole situation with the boy from the bus stop???" That very same bus stop boy who, by the way, I see basically twice a week, either at the gym or at the bus stop (surprise, surprise!), and who pretends never to have ever met me. I think we should come up with a new word to describe it, because "ignore" is not strong enough to explain his level of indifference. But I digress - although time time, I'm gonna circle back to this, because it matters. New crush is waaaay out of my league - again: surprise, surprise! I think he's into guys, and I think he knows I am into him. After all, surprise, surprise #3, I'm neither renowned for...
Post a Comment
Read more

Just seek and you will find

Anthology - Part V: Coming out is not a standard procedure kind of thing. On the surface, it sounds like this shared experience that every queer person goes through in the same way, and to an extent this is the case. But every coming out is different, because it involves so many variables that it would be mathematically improbable for two queer people to have the exact same set of circumstances. For me, coming out was a unique experience, and it started with myself. The first thing I had to do was to come out to myself. To look at myself in the mirror and say to me: you are gay. You like men. You are different from other males. And that’s ok. Once I came out to myself, I had to come out to everyone else. Maybe “had to” sounds a bit heavy, and I understand that some people might not have that option. Or that they prefer not to share this bit of their lives with some others around them (or whatever it is that they prefer to do through the process, because as I said, it is unique to each ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Too deep for such a simple man

This text was written about 3 months ago, but I did not publish it then. I was extremely overwhelmed at the time. So much so that, in the following days after I wrote it, I had a massive breakdown, which prompted me to get away from everything, including the blog. I am in a much better place now, and the next entry after this one will explore that. But before discussing how I feel now, I think there is a value in this text, which is why I decided to publish it even after all the time that passed. Please be mindful of my mental state when it was written, therefore be aware that this text is very raw and might be triggering. How did I end up back here again? This is a question I’ve been asking myself often these days. I thought I made huge progress, but somehow I am back at square one. I always heard people saying that things don’t just fall on your lap, that if you want something, you have to get off your arse and do something about it. The thing is, I did! I have done a lot about it, a...
Post a Comment
Read more