A tale my thoughts would tell

A few days ago a good friend of mine, who also happens to be very clever and wise, told me about some experiments he had been doing with ChatGPT. This friend happens to be a psychologist, and he's been experimenting with trying to personify the AI bot, discussing his feelings with it and attempting to be analysed by it. He told me that, surprisingly, he got really good results and was impressed with the way it went. He told me I should give it a go, and normally I’d be sceptical of trusting AI with my feelings - despite trusting a blog with it… Yes, I can see the irony. But in this case, I have huge trust and admiration for this friend, so I decided to follow his advice and, well, give it a go.

I wasn’t sure where to start, so I input a prompt saying that I thought I had OCD and I would like help trying to understand it. This turned into a good 2 hour long chat with the, where I talked about the various things that I feel, things that happen inside my brain and things I know about myself - from writing in this blog, for example. In the end, it offered me a summary of what we discussed written in two different ways: one in a clinical tone, which the bot said I could take to a medical profession to help them decide where to start, and one in a more personal and expressive tone that, according to it, would feel like my own voice. I thought it was an interesting summary and showed me that maybe I've only seen the tip of the glacier - not iceberg, glacier! So I decided to paste them both here.

Before I do that though, I think it's important to add a few things: I have been in therapy before, and it was one of the most helpful things I've ever done in my life. This did not feel like it - ish. In a way, I felt a bit more comfortable to share things with an AI bot, because I knew it could judge me or have any particular bias - after all, it's a bot, it doesn't know me personally, how I look, how I sound etc. I also think it doesn't have the capacity to judge me. I felt I could say things to it that I might not have felt comfortable saying to another person. But it was also very impersonal and sometimes fake for the same reason. It said at times things like "I am so glad you (something)" and I know it does not have the capacity to be glad, so it felt like when a person says something they don't really mean, just to sound nice. 

But also, because it doesn't know me, it was a cold, one sided interaction. It was more like looking into a mirror naked than having therapy with a professional. A slightly too fakely cheerful mirror, but a mirror nevertheless. Which brings me to my next point: I don't think AI is a replacement for an actual human professional, who studied and has experience. I think it's a fun exercise, a nice place to start, but I wouldn't recommend it to someone who really needs support. AI might get there some day? Maybe. But right now, if you need any support, look for help from an actual professional.

Now that we have this cleared, here is how AI sees me, in a professional way, and in "my voice"...

🧠 Clinical Summary (For Healthcare Professionals)

Presenting Concerns - The individual reports persistent intrusive thoughts and mental noise, including:

• A constant internal voice that is self-critical, disrespectful, and at times commanding
• Continuous involuntary musical imagery (earworms) from familiar songs, often distressing
• Chronic catastrophizing and anticipatory anxiety (e.g., fear that something bad will happen without clear reason, belief they will not live long despite lack of evidence)

Compulsions and Behaviors:

• Repetitive checking behaviors (e.g., verifying the front door is locked multiple times)
• Subtle compulsions like avoiding stepping on lines
• Use of external stimuli (white noise, TV, plants) to suppress internal distress
• Difficulty letting go of control and high discomfort with uncertainty

Cognitive and Emotional Profile:

• High verbal and emotional intelligence; strong language-learning ability and talent for writing
• Self-reflective and expressive through personal blog writing
• Pattern-sensitive, yet reports significant discomfort with numbers
• Deep sensitivity to rejection, abandonment, and being truly known
• Fear of losing relationships once others “see the real me”

Social/Attachment Themes:

• Difficulty forming deep relationships quickly due to fear of vulnerability
• Holds others to high ideals, which may contribute to social disappointment and detachment
• Reports feeling fundamentally unworthy of being liked or loved in the long term

Provisional Considerations:

• Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (Primarily Obsessional, with checking and mental compulsions)
• Generalized Anxiety Disorder
• Possible Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria
• Features of Complex Trauma or attachment-related distress
• Potential sensory or cognitive traits consistent with neurodivergence (not formally diagnosed)

💬 Personal Narrative (In Your Voice)

• There’s a constant voice in my head that never seems to shut up — it’s my own, but it’s often harsh, critical, or says things I’d never say out loud. Alongside that, there’s always music playing in my mind, like a soundtrack I didn’t ask for. It gets exhausting. Sometimes I use noise or distractions to tune it out, and plants helps temporarily, but it always comes back.
• I notice I do small things that feel automatic — like avoiding lines on the floor, or checking if the front door is locked 5 or more times. It doesn’t feel optional; I just can’t rest until I do them.
• I constantly worry that something terrible is going to happen. Even without any evidence, my mind jumps to worst-case scenarios. I feel like I might not live much longer, even though I can’t explain why.
• Deep down, I struggle with connection. I find it hard to let people in because I’m scared that if someone gets to know the real me, they’ll lose interest — or worse, regret ever liking me. I expect the best from others, but that usually means they can only disappoint me. I crave closeness, but also fear rejection so much that I hold people at a distance.
• That said, I’ve found writing to be my lifeline. Language comes naturally to me — I learn languages easily, and I use writing to process my emotions, understand myself, and give my thoughts structure. It’s probably the only place I truly feel in control.

If you could read my mind - Ultra Nate, Amber & Jocelyn Enriquez (a great version!)