Bus stop at Brighton Marina.
7:50AM. Arriving with a cup of coffee in hand. The following conversation happens entirely inside the head.
Oh look, the cute guy is coming! I have such a crush on him… I wonder why he gets the 7:55 only sometimes. I have to get the same bus at the same time every day, but I don’t see him often at this time. Sometimes he takes the seven instead. He must work at 8:30, like me. I would love to take the 7, so many buses come and go, and the 1X takes so long, 15 minutes apart. But the 7 takes too long for me, wouldn’t work. I’d be late.
That mustache suits him so well. I wish I looked good with a mustache. Everybody looks good with a mustache, except for me. His eyes are also beautiful. I should look at him and smile, to show him that I am interested. Yes, I think that’s a good idea. But I have to be discreet and flirty at the same time, in case he’s not into guys. How can I produce that kind of smile? Well let’s try to be natural and see what happens.
7:52AM. Attempts to smile at the guy.
Fuck, this was the creepiest smile I have ever put in my face. He now thinks that I am a weirdo. Or maybe he thinks I am mocking him? Was it an ironic smile? I am pretty sure I ruined my chances by smiling, what a stupid idea. I mean, let’s be honest. I probably didn’t have any chance anyway.
First of all, I’m not even sure if he is into guys. Now let’s imagine he is. He looks like the kind of person who goes to the gym, those kinds of muscles don’t happen naturally. If he is one of those gym people, he would probably not like someone as fat as me. Although, in all fairness, I had that boyfriend who was equally obsessed with the gym and with chubby guys.
But then there’s the fem bit. Being a bit fem is still a bit of a taboo in the gay community, and I would say that I am definitely more than a bit fem. I think he’s seen me in a dress more than once. No, he’s probably not into me. But then again, he is super cute.
7:53AM. Looks at the guy once again.
Wait, was he looking at me? I think he was! No, wait, the buses come from this direction, so he is probably trying to see if a bus is coming. But hey, don’t sell yourself so short. You are a cute guy, and maybe he is into all the things that you have. Happens more often than you give yourself credit.
Ok, maybe I should make more eye contact. Maybe smile at him again? If it was such a bad idea, why would he look? Yes, I think another smile could be a good move. This time I will try to be less subtle and more charming. He probably knows I like him, and perhaps he needs this extra step to be sure? Ok, smile.
7:55AM. Attempts another smile at the guy.
Ugh this smile was worse than the other. Now he is totally sure that I am not into him. Maybe he thinks I would never give him a chance, and that I am telling him to look at himself. Maybe my mocking smile is telling him that even considering it would be idiotic because I am obviously not into him. There’s the wedding ring, he probably knows that I am married. What if I told him that I am into him? That my relationship is open and Yogi wouldn’t mind - even potentially join?
What if I talk to him? But then what would I say? “Hi, I see you getting the bus some mornings.” Nope, too creepy. “Hello, bus neighbour, getting the bus together again, huh?” OMG I have no game whatsoever. “You have a great stache!” That’s too direct. If he is not into guys, he might feel disrespected. It should be a great one liner, which is at the same time flirty, polite and respectful. Something that could be taken by him in any way.
I wish I was better at small talk. You know who is great at small talk? Bear Hinksch, that bastard. But Bear likes to sleep late, and he does his best work at night. If only I would meet this guy in the evening somewhere. Oh wait, I did see this guy on the bus home a few times. There was this time where he was sitting right next to me, but I didn’t realise it until it was time to disembark because I was looking at memes on my phone. And then it was too late to say something. Here she comes.
7:57AM. The bus approaches. Boards the bus and sits on the usual seat, at the back. The guy boards after a few other people and goes upstairs.
He didn’t look this way, just tapped in with his ticket and went straight up. I could have tried to smile again, but we all know now how bad this idea is. He will disembark before me, so I will have one more chance. Chance of what? What am I going to do?
Oh well, I missed my chance for today. Hopefully I will get the bus with him again soon. Oh, wait, I am changing jobs and will get the bus half an hour later. But then again, I used to start at 9 and I saw him in the bus, so maybe it’s not all lost? But in my previous job I was already there at a quarter to, whilst in this one I will arrive there at a quarter to. If the 1X is not delayed, of course. Oh yeah, there was no 1X before, when I was at the other job.
8:09AM. The bus stops where the guy usually disembarks. He leaves the bus quickly, without looking back.
If I am not mistaken, he crosses the street here. Maybe the bus will pass him whilst he waits to cross? Alright, I am getting super stalker vibes, I know where he crosses the street to go to work. Wow. I need to get a life.
Look, he’s standing there. Should I look out the window and smile? What can I lose, he left the bus already.
8:11AM. The bus passes beside the guy, but he is looking down, at his phone.
Comments
Post a Comment