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You are the outcome

Anthology - Part I:

I am a sucker for romcoms. Always been. In fact, I think Bridget Jones is probably one of my favourite movies of all time, I cannot remember how many times I have watched it. And every time I watch it, despite knowing the lines by heart now, I feel like it’s the first time… I know what’s gonna happen, but I am still excited that she will get the guy in the end, despite all the twists and turns out there to make the story more interesting. Yes, it is a formula that has been done, redone and done again times fifty seven. Yet, I still root for Bridget. Because deep down inside, I see myself as Bridget, not as the prince charming du jour… 

I think it all started with Muriel’s Wedding - incidentally one of the best movies ever made. For many different reasons, I saw myself in Muriel almost instantly: Growing up in the middle of nowhere in the countryside, part of a family of many siblings, with a strong father figure involved in politics and a submissive mother - which is also the one who keeps the family together… Like in her world, mine was a household where the traditional male and female roles were so clearly defined. And just like Muriel, I wanted to hang out with the cool kids, but I was too fat, too awkward and too wrong to be with them. I couldn’t wait to leave that world behind me, and my Sydney came in the shape of a city called Belo Horizonte.

I also wanted to get a guy, and that was crucial for me when I saw myself in her. I didn’t want to just find love, I wanted my love to be from someone from the same gender as me. That was not possible where I was living. But, if she made it, so could I - no matter how that came to be. My path turned out differently from Muriel’s, but I also made it eventually. And that showed me that the happy endings of romcoms could happen to me too. That I could be the princess, and I would find my knight in shining armour one day as well.

It took me a while to develop a more critical eye on romcoms, and that came eventually, the more I understood and experienced cinema. But even though I started to see through the formula, I still liked to see the girl getting there in the end. I could do without the cheesy plot resolutions though. I remember this particular one called “He’s not that into you”, where I saw a bit of hope. I thought it would be an evolved form of romcom, one that didn’t rely on that tired format. Specifically, the part where this guy tells one of the girls that exceptions only exist in movies. That she should stop thinking that it would be different with her, because she was not the exception. She was the rule. Spoiler alert: in the end, they end up together, and when she confronts him about what he said before, he answers with something along the lines of “well you’re my exception”. Even I rolled my eyes at this one.

But why am I here talking about romcoms? No, I have not decided to start doing movie reviews, so don’t get your hopes up. No, this is about something that seems recent, but is in fact almost as old as me. This is about my new gym crush, although he is just the latest manifestation of something much deeper within me. It goes back to my teenage self, and the beginning of my interest in boys. 

If you have no clue what I am talking about, I wrote about my teenage self here, and we will get back to him in a bit. It all came together just a few days ago that I saw something, in the form of a Neanderthal standing in front of my balcony door, with the autumn fall illuminating him from outside. As soon as I saw him, I got it. I just needed a bit of time to put it in words, to make it make sense to the world outside my head. A bit like how someone with experience in something knows when something about that something is wrong, even though they cannot explain exactly what. Some call it instinct, some call it experience, some call it gut feeling (which I think it’s the same as instinct?). For me, I don't have a name for it. I just got it, right there. It made sense, instantly. Now, to explain it, I am gonna need a bit of context. We will need to back it up a bit. Actually, a lot. Let’s go back to where it all started...


Be my world - Milky


(This post is the first of a multiple part anthology. I don't know how many parts it will have, and I am still halfway through it. I decided to post each part separately, so there will be more to follow


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