Skip to main content

Voices that want to be heard

It took me some time to comprehend, to be able to put it in words. I finally do, and I can finally say it: I am not well. Physical health is probably ok, although I am due a general check up. Money could always be better. No, I am talking about my mental health. Things are not ok with my mental health at the moment. And I think it's fair to share this with those around me. Awareness is important. And it's also important that my friends understand what I am going through, even though I am not sure I do.

I have been posting less, taking longer to answer messages and sharing less stories. Things don't give me much pleasure right now, and a lot of times I just want to stay home quiet, watching The Nanny. In that world, I don't need to think about mine. It's comforting, even though I know I am running away. I also know it will catch up to me, and I am ok with this. At least for now.

I have started writing again. Writing is my own way of therapy, it's how I organise my ideas and put things where I can see them. It's how I understand what happened, and where to go from there. But I am also considering professional help.

I like to think that I will be ok, that this is a phase, and it can only get better from here. Better days will come. In the meantime, I will be around. Maybe a bit less than usual. 

For now, all I ask of you all is to bear with me. To excuse me for not being the best version of myself. To keep loving me even when I am not sure I can do it myself. And to give me a hug when you see me. It might seem small, but it means a lot. 

And if you are not feeling great, reach out. To those around you, to your friends, family, partners. Don't go through it alone, because you are not alone, no matter how much it looks like that sometimes. My friends, my family and my partner are showing me that I am not alone. And that makes all the difference.


(This is how I broke the news on instagram. Thought I should register it here as well, as this is a written account of my journey)


Listen To Your Heart - Roxette

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Maybe, this time, I'll be yours, you'll be mine

Soooo... I have a new crush at the gym. And sometimes I think that is reciprocated, and  I think we may be flirting with each other. Huge emphasis on "think". Yes reader, I can hear you screaming, all the way from the other side of your screen: "What the fuck is wrong with you?!? Haven't you learned anything from the whole situation with the boy from the bus stop???" That very same bus stop boy who, by the way, I see basically twice a week, either at the gym or at the bus stop (surprise, surprise!), and who pretends never to have ever met me. I think we should come up with a new word to describe it, because "ignore" is not strong enough to explain his level of indifference. But I digress - although time time, I'm gonna circle back to this, because it matters. New crush is waaaay out of my league - again: surprise, surprise! I think he's into guys, and I think he knows I am into him. After all, surprise, surprise #3, I'm neither renowned for...
Post a Comment
Read more

Just seek and you will find

Anthology - Part V: Coming out is not a standard procedure kind of thing. On the surface, it sounds like this shared experience that every queer person goes through in the same way, and to an extent this is the case. But every coming out is different, because it involves so many variables that it would be mathematically improbable for two queer people to have the exact same set of circumstances. For me, coming out was a unique experience, and it started with myself. The first thing I had to do was to come out to myself. To look at myself in the mirror and say to me: you are gay. You like men. You are different from other males. And that’s ok. Once I came out to myself, I had to come out to everyone else. Maybe “had to” sounds a bit heavy, and I understand that some people might not have that option. Or that they prefer not to share this bit of their lives with some others around them (or whatever it is that they prefer to do through the process, because as I said, it is unique to each ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Too deep for such a simple man

This text was written about 3 months ago, but I did not publish it then. I was extremely overwhelmed at the time. So much so that, in the following days after I wrote it, I had a massive breakdown, which prompted me to get away from everything, including the blog. I am in a much better place now, and the next entry after this one will explore that. But before discussing how I feel now, I think there is a value in this text, which is why I decided to publish it even after all the time that passed. Please be mindful of my mental state when it was written, therefore be aware that this text is very raw and might be triggering. How did I end up back here again? This is a question I’ve been asking myself often these days. I thought I made huge progress, but somehow I am back at square one. I always heard people saying that things don’t just fall on your lap, that if you want something, you have to get off your arse and do something about it. The thing is, I did! I have done a lot about it, a...
Post a Comment
Read more