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Tell me how this will end

Chapter one - Past:

I’ve lost a bit of weight over the last months. I’ve been thinking a lot about how to write about it, an entirely new territory for me. I last embarked on a journey to lose weight 20+ years ago, for completely different reasons then. This time, for instance, I don’t feel about it like most people seem to. It’s an achievement for sure, and it’ll bring positive impacts to my life, but I don’t see it as something to be celebrated. Or deprecated. I don’t want to make a before/after where I’m better/ worse, and I definitely don’t want it to be about body shaming in any direction. 

Things are changing because of choices I made, and choices have consequences. Over the summer my doctors told me that I’m prediabetic. Being overweight is not the only culprit here, there is a family history, but it has definitely contributed to it. Prediabetes was an addition to a mild NAFLD and sleep apnoea, both of which I had for a while, and probably the trigger for me to make some changes. Losing weight is one of the many consequences of that choice.

I’ve not used any medication. I decided to try it through lifestyle changes, and it’s been working for me. I know jabs are popular now, and I’m not against it. I don’t judge people who use it, and I don’t think my method is better or worse. I don’t rule out using it either; if it comes to that at some point, I’ll have an open mind. For now, the choices I made are working for me, so I am sticking to them.

Like with every change, this one has also been challenging. Sometimes I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. I spent years learning to love me the way I am, with all my curves and imperfections, and now I have to learn to love myself again. I’m learning that there is a space for multiple versions of me, and I’m still worth more than the numbers on a scale - even if those numbers are perceived as better by some. On that note, I’m also surprised with how some interactions with me changed. And sometimes I’m saddened to see some of those interactions improved solely because of my weight loss.

For now, the journey continues. The changes are here to stay. I'm a bit scared of where it will take me. And I definitely need to work on my gym poses.


Everything to lose - Low Roar


(This post is part of a three chapter reflection around the end of 2025 and the beginning of 2026. It is going to be posted on instagram as well, which is one of the reasons I kept it short. All three chapters have songs from the album maybe tomorrow, by Low Roar)

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