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The same mistake again

 There are many reasons I left my previous job, and I don't know if I could rank these reasons in order of importance. There was also great things about that job, and I thought long and hard before I made the decision to go. Ultimately, my mental health was the biggest deciding factor. I was not happy there, and it was time to change.

Change is good, exciting, but it can also be scary. So I weighed my options, researched, thought long and hard about it. I'm not a gambler, and when I gamble, I tend to be very conservative with my bets. I am fully aware that the payout will be much lower when the risk is lower, and I'm ok with that. I tend to think long term, and the long term gains are better suited for me.

So I bet on something that was a sure win, even if it meant taking a step down in my career. I thought I knew what I was doing, and I thought it would be ok. I knew I would come across some difficult times, but ultimately the excitement of something new won. I was wrong. Not entirely, but in many aspects. I'm trying to cope with them at the moment, but I don't think I'm doing a good job. And this is probably one of the things that is keeping me in the land of the dead. 

Right now, I'm trying to understand what are the aspects in which I was wrong, and if they are related to the job, the team, the company or to me. Or maybe everything has a part to play? Regardless of what caused it, it's fundamental for me to understand the reasons. Because I might want to go somewhere else, and I don't want to make the same mistakes again, and end up at the same place I am right now. Because yes, there are things about a job that I will not enjoy, and that will happen to any job I get. There's no such thing as a dream job. Trust me, I know this, cause I had my dream job. Until I woke up. But more on that later.

For now, I need to be ready for the parts I don't enjoy, so I can deal with them better. And yes, it is possible.

There are things I cannot control, like whether I will like a job, or if I will be a good fit for the job or my team, or even if I will like my team - and they will like me. But the way I react to it, and the importance I give to those things, this is something I can indeed control. And the last 10 months taught me that I need to control this better. That I need to have a better grip on my expectations. But most importantly, that no matter how safe I bet, I will probably lose somewhere. And that's ok.


Same Mistake - James Blunt

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