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This is Ourselves Under Pressure

I remember a long time ago that I read a text from a famous Brazilian columnist, which I tried multiple times to find again but with no success, where she talked about the freedom of being married. But it was not the freedom from her partner she was referring to. No, she was talking about the pressure society puts on women to meet prince charming, fall in love, get married, have and raise kids. She was arguing that, now that she has done everything society expected from her, she was free to do whatever she wanted with her life.

This idea came back to me recently, when I was reading about some comedian who discussed leaving a TV show after a long tenure. He said something very interesting, which I haven't really considered so far: it was his lifelong dream to work in this particular TV show, and when he was about to leave, he was scared for the future, but he knew he's done it. He achieved his childhood dream, so even if everything from now on would not work out entirely how he wanted or expected, nobody could take that away from him.

I've done a lot of really great things in my life. In fact, around my 40th birthday, I put together on a previous blog a list of 40 things I did before turning 40. And I enede up having to remove some pretty amazing stuff, to keep it under 40. It's easy to forget everything that is behind us when we are looking ahead, but that does not erase those accomplishments. I should know this, as I've given this advice a few times, to some people who failed to see it then. But as the saying goes, the cobbler's children always go barefoot.

Probably one of the biggest reasons I am where I am right now is work related. It likely started with me waking up from my dream job, and transitioning to a type of work I've never done before, in a pattern of shifts and interactions I never experienced, within an industry I never had a lot of interest or knowledge. All that whilst having taking a step down in my career, at I time I expected to be much higher than I actually am. And as much I try to ignore work, I spend a big chunk of my life there, and I can't live without it. It's not so simple. But it's also not the end of the world. 

One of the greatest and wisest people alive today, which happens to be one of mg best friends, told me something before I left my previous job, something that makes much more sense now than it did when we talked about it. I told him I didn't not want to change jobs and then look for something again in 6 months. He told me that this would be ok, and maybe expected. And nobody but myself would hold it against me. I told him how much I worried about the next recruiter looking at my CV and seeing that I would be willing to change jobs again after a few months, but he reminded me that the same recruiter would also see that I worked in the same company for 7 years before that. And in the same industry for almost 11 years. He told me it was normal for me to try something new and realise it was not for me. And I would have to be extremely lucky to hit the jackpot again, with no hiccups in the path. But most importantly, he told me it was part of the process, and it would not be my fault.

I really wanted to make this work, and I tried my best. But it's clear to me now that the stars didn't align this time. My numbers were not the ones in the draw. I have to keep looking, to find what will be my next adventure. What the next 10 years will bring. Yes, I'm getting older and my chances are getting smaller, but it's not over yet. As one of my favourite quotes say: in the end, it works. If it's not working yet, it's likely you didn't reach the end yet.

As for the path I already walked, I'll close my eyes tonight and dream about it. Remind myself that I've done some really spectacular stuff, and my life right now is just a hiatus, a pause before the next great thing. I don't know what that will be, but I can't wait to discover it.


Under Pressure - Queen feat. David Bowie

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